She said to me…
I miss you. And I know this is all going to sound cheesy, but I miss the way our hands fit together. I miss the butterflies that aimlessly fluttered around in my stomach when our lips first met. I miss the way you looked into my eyes when we were at that stoplight before you grabbed my face to plant a kiss on me. “Yeah, I gotta come back,” you said.
But maybe it’s not you nor any of these things that I miss at all. Maybe I miss the fact that for the first time in a long time, I was happy. I felt appreciated. I felt alive.
But really, I fed myself into the fantasy that it was anything more than it was going to be. I wanted to believe all the things you said to me and all the bullshit compliments you threw at me. But I knew deep inside that our time was up before it could even really start.
If there is such a thing as love as first sight, I felt it the second we met eyes. But I’ve been there before. And I know how it usually ends. “It’s gonna end how you expect it girl, you’re such a masochist" (Echoes of Silence- The Weeknd).
I was never going to give you a chance. I shut you out before you could do it to me. I convinced myself that this is what I wanted and my pride wanted to prove that I was strong enough to handle this.
I replay the most perfect two days I had with you in my head and I regret to say that I wake up with an aching heart over how that’s all it was. My fantasy was just that- a fantasy. But I knew that from the beginning.
I knew that.
I was looking through old posts, and I found this. From August 27th, 2012.
Five years later, and the person I was talking about in this post actually apologized. I waited five fucking years for an apology- and I got one. I broke down in tears not knowing what the hell was going on.
Life never ceases to amaze me.
i think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy
because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless
and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that